Regular

how is this even possible.

Mother nature is playing games with my body. I've managed to lose most of my waist, grow lovely fur on my chin, have a different 'soft' feel to my skin, experience hot flashes and months without a period ......... now suddenly ........ I am regular again?

What The Hell!

mnths later

Wow - has it really been that long since I have written. Crazy. I guess when things are just going along and life takes on momentum the venting takes a back seat?

Periods have done this weird thing the last few months.

They've become normal again. I know - What the Hell!

although, along with these seemingly normal periods, i have had more peach fuzz showing up, horrible acne and just recently this out the ordinary weight gain.

This tells me the hormones are just having a party. Well on the upside, i have some again.

My moods have been good - except where my husband is concerned - that is a whole other thing. He makes me crazy with his laziness. Whatever.

I have started a new fitness thing. Mostly to encourage a girlfriend of mine as she is selling it now. So for the first time ever, I jumped on the band wagon.

Body by Visalus - I've been giving it a shot for the last week. It boasts weight loss and healthy living without excercise! Ok - I can use some weight loss. Not sure how that can happen without excercise, but I'm willing to give it a shot. However, this weird weight gain ....... has suddenly gone up some more since I've been replacing my morning with this shake. Yup meal replacement with a protein shake? Well it has only been a week, so maybe things will look after themselves. I hope they do soon before I can't fit in to my work pants.

This weight gain is odd too. I am gaining so much in my tummy. Not like before when I started losing my waist. This is straight out in my tum tum. I am getting ol lady tummy! a pregnancy belly without being pregnant!

I am hoping with my new routine of food and my new job will come the new routine I am working on getting into. These things will help with keeping my system at more of a normal.

The neat thing now is that Charley and I have had our last 3 periods at the same time! Is it possible that that is why I've been so irregular the last few years? 2 women in the same household that are as close as we are, did she mess my cycle up?

I am still dreaming of a pregnancy. My husband still not going and getting any testing done. He has however, quite smoking! YaY! that will help his guys fersure. So maybe just maybe we will be blessed without medical help?

its a dream

Dreaming of Periods

So what is this?

Now I dream of having my period. Crazy!

maybe that means another is coming. How great would that be

it works with child support - HA!

been feeling very tired and nauseous these days. Could be the probiotic I am taking. Highly doubtful that it is anything baby like. So doubtful in fact, that I am not even going to check.

I do belive I might be going grey! Blondes turn grey in a whole weird way. They kinda go darker. My roots are starting to darken up and the texture of my hair is a wee bit different. Not to mention the hair on my face is pale, pale white. I can feel my neck skin changing, getting softer in a different way ..............

Ahhhh, 40 plus tax is some interesting age comin' on

Blog on!

Period!!!

I Got One!!!!

nothing since before the wedding and BAM!!!! got it today!

Happy Happy JoyJoy!

Another Test

So just for shits and giggles I decided to take another pregnancy test. Of course it's a no. I wasn't surprised. A little annoyed at the loss of the 10bux though.

After seeing my doc last week about the lung stuff and trying to talk to him about the loss of my period ...... i decided I should just check. Especially since I have the other stuff going on at the end of the week. ACK!

My wieght is steadily rising. *sigh* I've been waking up so tired i don't have the energy for even the smallest of work outs. I have however, been doing some core excercises in the evenings. Not much - actually its barely anything. Better than nothing though I say!

My doc's voice keeps repeating itself in my head, "you're only 41!"

ya - I am aware of that. So where is my period. Why am i having hot flashes - non in the last couple weeks mind you - night sweats have subsided too. I actually thought I might be ovulating! my sex drive peeked out for a look last week too! WooHoo! Yet, the question is still there. Where's my period? Doc just looks at me. Stares at me really hard with a concerned look on his face. He doesn't know either. He is puzzled because I am too young for this. Too young to be in the last stages of peri-menopause. To young to actually be menopausal. What is he dealing with? this changes everything about my health and what is going on in my body ..........

Blog On Dudes

Estrogen?

So I am now on the search for the estrogen in my body.

It's got to be there. Even just a little? Have I abused my body so badly that I get to be the phenomenon who hits hot flashes and cessation of periods by 41?

This is crazy.

I have read and read. Searched website after website. Turns out - my estrogen is hooped.

Even though, months ago, i had blood tests to say differently. This was also explained as I have been reading and reading. The blood tests were correct! at that time. It just happened that when I went for my tests i actually was mid-cycle. If I were to go today I'm sure a very different, very shocking result would come back.

I am hot flashing like a crazy woman. You would think with all this hotness and sweating the pounds of fat would be pouring off? Nope. Just feeling icky by mid day. Like I've been out working in the garden and in desparate need of a shower. My hair is up and then down and then up and then down at work. Then on goes the sweater off goes the sweater on goes the sweater then off. It's not like I am getting one a day, or just night sweats or even just a couple in a day that are quick. I get them, it seems once an hour? Every hour? is that even possible??? and they last for close to 10 minutes at a time if not longer. I have tried to keep a log, but have failed. I will try again. Its hard at work.

I have read books telling me to find out my triggers.

Hot Flashes have triggers? Holy Carp! So not only do I watch my triggers for depression, now I have to not only figure out what my Flash triggers are, but watch for them! ACK!

So I have come to the conclusion that my body is fucked. I have stacks of supplements to take every day now. Some of them twice a day in hopes that my body will put out at least a little bit of the much needed estrogen to take these nasty flashes down a notch.

Quite honestly, the being hot part isn't really all that bothersome. No I lied, it is bothersome, but not in the way you might think. its bothersome because flashing really means I am so close to the end it's not even funny. It also means - NO BABY - and Frack, the once an hour thing really picks my butt!!

In the summer when it started like this, it was still quite hot out so I was already wearing a tank top. Hot was hot then. In this weather, hot is as hot does and then, after I've stripped of the sweater or tossed off the blankets ............... brrrrrrr! My actual thermostat kicks in and I am hunting for slipper socks!

as I sit here it feels like I washed my hair and the scalp is just not quite dry yet. ICK!

so I will continue on my search for estrogen in my diet. Eliminate wine altogether, even though I have read a glass is good to keep me sane, for the next few weeks. Because it also says it leaches the necessary vit D and calcium from me to which helps with keeping the other balance.

So on i go to vitamin E, calcium + D3 & magnesium, lecithin, and flax. Of course my staple of B12's close at hand. I am upping my intake of potato's as that seems to be a thing too. I read about Black Cohash, then I read about some of the side affects - I am not into that. Nettle is apparently very good - now where to find some ..........

Wish me luck on my estrogen quest!

Blog On Dudes!

correction - its not wine, its beer that is supposed to be good. The hops in it is supposed to be fabulous for meno-pausal and perimenopausal ladies

It Must be said -

I refuse to let go of the dream that I will never have another baby. It will happen. It just will.

Hot Flashes or not.

Allergic sperm or not.

I believe there will be a miracle