Low Sperm Count

Low sperm count can't be easy for any guy to hear I am sure.

He talked alst night about the vein that he beleives to be a vericose in his left nut.  He wondered why we are bothering to do this.  He was angry.  Not at me but at his parents.  He is worried that this is the sign of something more down there in his nether regions.

I understand.  Being broken, especially down there,  its sooo personal.  Its soooo,well for him emasculating.  Here I've been losing my womanhood for awhile and been going thru the emotions and stuff.  He just found out!  Its going to be a big hit.

and While we were there talking to Richard, he still believes I am fine.  I have period issues, that is true.  But he seems to think I'm not so much the problem.    However - him way more than me.  Doc's exact words "you're shooting blanks"  

That can't be great to hear either.

so that makes me think back to that bitch Leah.  It wasn't his baby.  I wonder how long it will take him to realize that and come to terms with it.  Now I really don't want that kid at my house ever!

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ITS NOT ME ITS YOU

Well the tables turned rather quickly.

its him.  he is shooting blanks.  Well below on everything.

Now taking into consideration - his "sample" was processed 17 min.  late and that he didn't make it a full 2 days..........

Still says we havne't been working with a full load.  No Wonder I am not knocked up!

Even if we were having more sex that wouldn't make the odds better.  It makes them worse.

So Richard is sending him for another test.  he plans to go the 7 days.  And we'll see if he passes.

With the results he got under the circumstances does not look good.  Even if he goes 7 days......I don't think the results are going to be much better.  and if we've been fucking under the other circumstances......there is NO WAY i could have gotten pregnant.

i am so glad that finally,  FINALLY he is feeling what I've been feeling for the past year!  The Finger is being Pointed!  Pointed! Pointed!  and finally its not at me!

I have lots floating in my head right now.

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Sperm

so today is the day.

We have a 4:30 appointment with my doc to find out what is happening with Mountains sperm if anything at all.  He is REALLY nervous.  I am sort-of nervous.  It sucks cuz this is the finger pointing day.  The lay blame day.  Even though we don't want to, we will.  I know I will, even if the finger is pointed right in my face!

I will ask about my back while I am there.  Gotta double up these appointments.

and I am still trickling with my period.  Frig!  no wonder the sore nipples.  I guess its going to be one of those months.

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36.8

Yah, I am charting still or again.

Period came and went?  gone in 3 days?  What the Hell.  it seemed ok.  but my boobs are still tender and my nipples hurt so I really don't think it was as normal as it wanted to appear to be.  Sneaky buggar!

we go Tomorrow to find of the results or Mountains sperm test. I'm sure he's fine and its me.

till tomorrow Dudes!

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I GOT IT!!!!

The Doctor CAlled......

the doctors office called and left a message on my machine......

I'll have to call them back on Monday.

Doc wants to see me!

Guess he got the results from the test..........

YAY!!!

I'm zitting up like i did a few weeks ago!

maybe my period is coming........

what a funny thing to celebrate

Oh Yes and Mountain took in his sample today!!!  Yay!

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Long Cycle? or Stress?

So the longest cycel so far that I ahve found in the last 6 months was back in February.

34 days between.

No I am not pregnant.  Checked.

I see my doc today to talk about my accident.

this is currently day 38.

doesn't matter as it hurts to have sex.  We got so caught up in my accident last week that Mntn forgot to get the lab thing taken care of.  He goes with his "time sensitive" sample tomorrow.  He has to miss time from work.  This sucks.  It all sucks.  One thing though is that if its me and (which i think it is)  just give me the chlomid and be done with it!

I am so emotional.

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maybe I don't have my period cuz of the accident!!!

Fuck.

I am stressed out!

a moment to feel pity on myself

so its still not here.

so if my period follows suit its doing a 28?  30? day cycle......so

the period

I got hit in the rear end by a van.  My boyfriend and I can not be intimate right now as he is getting ready to give his sample tomorrow, and i owie.  I am sore and I am already mourning my  LATE menstrual cycle.  I am indulging in wine and cheese pleasers.

FUCK IT@!@!!

I hate this.

Where is my period!

so much for the nice normal ones I've been so glad about.  Good thing I guess that I enjoyed them when I did!

What if last month was the last one?

Frig.  As long as I am having my period I can get pregnant.  Once i stop.............

FUDGE!  I AM FREAKIN' OUT!  39 and period lacking!??  this sucks Ass!

Where is it .? .

still no period

how do you know when you are late when you are not sure when its coming??

Shit!  

5 day celibacy

So today is day one of no sexual activity for him!

tomorrow is dinner day.  he will be cranky,  but I love that he is doing this.  

and where the Heck is my period?

No I haven't gotten it yet!  its been 30 days.

I stick pee'd last week wasn't it?  Maybe I should stick pee again.

hmmmmm

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Lab

He went to the Lab today!

What a good brave secure with himself man!

I love it.

They gave him a brown paper bag, with a jar and some  specific instructions.

his specimen has to be there within 30 min of its deposit.  In full!  Most important that the  very beginning to the very end gets in there.  It says so in the pamphlet!  He has to call a number and let them know he has a time sensitive specimen on its way just before he show up with it.

he Can't beat off or have sex for a minimum of 2 days before he deposits.

this is going to be the hard part.  Poor guy.  but he'll do it and more importantly he wants to!  So now we get thru the weekend and then.........

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Floating Thoughts can be Dangerous

So here's a thing -

I have been full on pregnant twice and had one suspected fersure miscarriage.  So proven through history......I can get pregnant.  3 times as it looks!  

I don't know how much I beleive what the doctor said that I am ovulating.  i want to believe him, but........I just don't think I am all that often.  but that aside........I have a man that has no babies and one suspected pregnancy in his past that I still beleive, given the bitchs history, she cheated and thats how she got knocked up.  I am not sold on that one.

anyhow, he is going to do his first lab step tomorrow and gather his information.  than hopefully Friday get his 'sample' in and then we will have soem more answers.

I just want to go for tests .  Isn't there some kind of blood test to see if I am ovulating or not?  There must be.  There's gotta be some kind of hormone somehitng to see if I have hormones! and what they are all doing.

My thyroid test came back normal - Damn it!  My doctor apologized too.

Ok.  I must relax.  I'll have answers soon.  

Sister starts her hormone shoot up on the 20th.

I have still not gotten my period this month.  Cycle running 26 days so far......

I'll probably get it this weekend.  Mothers day.  Great!  I am working all weekend too.  Suck!

Conclusion being - I HAVE NONE AND THATS WHY I AM SO FRUSTRATED!!!

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documenting 137lbs

lets see where I can get this Tummy to in the next few weeks

if I can shed 10lbs i should be able to still work with what I got.  Its just covered with 3 inches of 2 1/2yrs of badness.

and this is what I concentrate on instead of how I wish this looked.

Round with Baby Bump!

Ugh!  the pear shape.  look at that top photo.  that was a pretty straight on shot,  rather than the creative 'top views'  I hate the lack of shape where the hell are my Abs crap!

Its gonna take a lot of crunches to get my center line back

Stciks

I'm not altogether sure why I do such things to myself.  I tried a stick pee this morning, jsut to see.........

nothing

its ok.  I wasn't really expecting anything anyhow, but still.  it was my moment to dream

I will just keep my brain focused on staying dry and excercising and fences to build and house stuff and.......

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