i was told a month ago by my doctor, it was going to be 15 thousand ...... to start to, for us to have a baby.I got a period!
tests are in. we talked about eggs. how many i have. How many I am born with.
hot flashes
i had a few during that 3 mnth stretch of bareness. Chances of me conceiving, let alone caring a baby ..........
now i am a month out of my last period + some days.
I burst in to tears i Zellers tonight. Everything is on sale there right now you know. So I went. I thought of my nephews, I thought of Nater ( my special nephew) I thought of my niece ....and then I htought of the video my dad proudly showed me yesterday of a 2 year old Charlotte.
the tears came out of nowhere.
i won't have another baby. I wont' carry it.
if I have ANY eggs left .... we will have to do a surrogate.
I - we can't afford that.
my heart, my mind my body ..... i have so much emotional pain its crazy.
So that's it then.
Forty-one and done
The thought of asking my sister to carry for us crossed my mind. Over and over and over again. She is after all. Not going back to work. but to hire somoene ..... we just can't do it. I had hoped the settlement I was getting would cover this............... NO
are there even any eggs in there ....
emotional pain i so awful. It consumes you and explodes when you least expect it.
I thought i would work it off. You know, physically. But - - - I am broken and can't do that.
in the end ...... i am only 41.
my body is 51 -- -- -- the edge so close
blog on
