Yikes - tired again

I'm up I'm up!

but so tired.  Passed out but still walking by 8 last night. Gross.

I'm going thru what steph did a few months ago.  Really tired and then Really cold.  Don't like it.  Hormones are having a party.  

My temp was low ysterday.  36.6 - odd.  Today still a bit low but okay at 36.7.  Horny as anything.  So I guess I might ovulate?  Hmmmm

I resided that I want the baby.  However, I want to get married too and I don't want to be a fat, pregnant bride.  Thats not my idea of great.  Even just being Fat.  Really all I want to know at this point is that we still can have children.  I feel myself giving up.  *sigh*

i mean if it all works than it will happen when its supposed to.  I rather enjoy fate.  Its the part where I don't know if we are brokenor not that is makig me crazy these days.

Blog ON!

bacl t0 normal

I think I am back to normal.  so nice.  normal period.....evn though it surprised the carp out of me.  but it appeared normal.  Yay.  I feel ok.  Other than these stupid allergies that are here to visit today.  2 days of sun and now I suffer.  What The Hell!  Spring has Sprung i guess.  That is good too.  My flowers can bloom.

Mntn and I had very nice sex last night.  Foreplay even!  I forget how I like that.  I know how is it possible to forget?  Well i did.  My temp has been up and down but seems to be levelling out.  No i have not been to my docotr yet.  I had intended to go during wpring Break, as then Charlotte would not have to miss piano. But Mr. Ball.......I couldn't leave him and then he was gone......i still see him 

anyhow, enough of that!  This is about my body changes.  My dieting was going awesome till this weekend.  So back on the wagon I go.  Fight this crones body my age is giving me.

Blog On!

hormones?

Is it my hormones making me feel like this?

I spotted on thursday.  Figured this was it.  My period.  Nope.  Apparently I was oh so very wrong.  I am so irritable. I'm sick and tired of taking my fucking temp every morning.  Sick Of it!!!

I just don't want to be broken.  I'd like to have the choice rather than the take what I can get shit.

-Libido-

Libido Where are you?

must mean my period is on its way.  Part of me is sad about that.  but it seems mostly cuase I figure I should be, cuz really I wasn't expecting anything else.  Being pregnant or concieving jst sounds funny in my head now.  Almost like, It'll be a miracle if it does!  and I will honestly be surprised!  Given up?  yah.  Kinda.  Down-hearted?  not yet.  I was a few months ago and I'm sure it will come around again, but for now .................. Meh

Blog On Dudes!

Well I don't know when my next period is now cause of the month long bleeding thing.

but my nipples are odly sore.  Like they get when you've breast fed.  Can't beleive i even remember how that feels.  Anyhow, thats where they are at.  My boobs themselves feel like they are heading that way too.  So maybe another week and I'll be doing it all again.

Mntn commented that maybe I'm pregnant.  No.  Nope.  Although I have the anticipation for it - I have really just given up on that thought in the back of my head.  At least for this month I have.  I just don't think its going to happen. *sigh*  So I will concentrate on The Queen and my last year of being in my 30's.

Get my tight ass smaller and my abs out from underneath the layer of insulation so that I can look amazing for my 40th birthday at the end of the year!

Blog On!

Ovulation?

Part of my hopes to ovulate this montha nd get pregnant while the other part doens't.  

I mean I hope I ovulate.  Just cause it would be nice to not be broken.

but maybe next month or the month after for conception.

I really am not into a december baby

I find myself getting really excited about some different things these days.  

He says things without thinking.  He argues and defends.  Only till the anger subsides and then it turns out he was always on my side.

I am getting really excited all of a sudden to be trying to make a human with this man.

Blog On

SEX

Yup.  FAbulous.  Fantastic Copulation has been had!  

WoW!

you never know with my body these days what is going to happen next.

Well today I was anything but suffering from the dry peri-menopause vagina that has been plaguing me as of late.  So I was very excited to have my man come home after being on the mountain all day with the girls and not be Too Tired.  If anything, that mountain air did him a world of good.  It was nice to "Do it" and not worry about the mess.  Or get that wiff of fresh blood. YUCK!  sorry to have even mentioned it.  But when you bleed for 3 weeks straight, these things just become part of the act that you notice and try to veer from.  You make due.  besides the part where its reality.  this is what happens.  Couples suffer through this stuff and it sucks butt.

The casual K-y is fine but every time?  it really begins to get a whole lot less sexy to have him applying it AGAIN.  Especially when we both know why.  And then the other Why's that interupt my sexy thoughts and ruin the whole Damn experience.  *sigh*

Hormones -  

The dryness though, has been somehting he nor I have talked about.  I've been really wanting to, but my body......just not with my mind.  He notices.  I notice.  We don't talk about it.  What is there to say?  WE both know what it means and what is happening and if we talk about it........well then that makes it more real than I know I am wanting to admit!  I keep hoping in the back of my mind that I am wrong and just a stupid know-it-all that needs to be put in her place for being wrong this time!!  

 Sex is to say the least, uncomfortable.  I mean its still sex.  Like the old saying goes, "Sex is like Pizza .........ect."

but tonight!

BowChickaWoWwOw!

its nice to Cum out on top

36.8