Dreaming of Periods

So what is this?

Now I dream of having my period. Crazy!

maybe that means another is coming. How great would that be

it works with child support - HA!

been feeling very tired and nauseous these days. Could be the probiotic I am taking. Highly doubtful that it is anything baby like. So doubtful in fact, that I am not even going to check.

I do belive I might be going grey! Blondes turn grey in a whole weird way. They kinda go darker. My roots are starting to darken up and the texture of my hair is a wee bit different. Not to mention the hair on my face is pale, pale white. I can feel my neck skin changing, getting softer in a different way ..............

Ahhhh, 40 plus tax is some interesting age comin' on

Blog on!

Period!!!

I Got One!!!!

nothing since before the wedding and BAM!!!! got it today!

Happy Happy JoyJoy!

Another Test

So just for shits and giggles I decided to take another pregnancy test. Of course it's a no. I wasn't surprised. A little annoyed at the loss of the 10bux though.

After seeing my doc last week about the lung stuff and trying to talk to him about the loss of my period ...... i decided I should just check. Especially since I have the other stuff going on at the end of the week. ACK!

My wieght is steadily rising. *sigh* I've been waking up so tired i don't have the energy for even the smallest of work outs. I have however, been doing some core excercises in the evenings. Not much - actually its barely anything. Better than nothing though I say!

My doc's voice keeps repeating itself in my head, "you're only 41!"

ya - I am aware of that. So where is my period. Why am i having hot flashes - non in the last couple weeks mind you - night sweats have subsided too. I actually thought I might be ovulating! my sex drive peeked out for a look last week too! WooHoo! Yet, the question is still there. Where's my period? Doc just looks at me. Stares at me really hard with a concerned look on his face. He doesn't know either. He is puzzled because I am too young for this. Too young to be in the last stages of peri-menopause. To young to actually be menopausal. What is he dealing with? this changes everything about my health and what is going on in my body ..........

Blog On Dudes

Estrogen?

So I am now on the search for the estrogen in my body.

It's got to be there. Even just a little? Have I abused my body so badly that I get to be the phenomenon who hits hot flashes and cessation of periods by 41?

This is crazy.

I have read and read. Searched website after website. Turns out - my estrogen is hooped.

Even though, months ago, i had blood tests to say differently. This was also explained as I have been reading and reading. The blood tests were correct! at that time. It just happened that when I went for my tests i actually was mid-cycle. If I were to go today I'm sure a very different, very shocking result would come back.

I am hot flashing like a crazy woman. You would think with all this hotness and sweating the pounds of fat would be pouring off? Nope. Just feeling icky by mid day. Like I've been out working in the garden and in desparate need of a shower. My hair is up and then down and then up and then down at work. Then on goes the sweater off goes the sweater on goes the sweater then off. It's not like I am getting one a day, or just night sweats or even just a couple in a day that are quick. I get them, it seems once an hour? Every hour? is that even possible??? and they last for close to 10 minutes at a time if not longer. I have tried to keep a log, but have failed. I will try again. Its hard at work.

I have read books telling me to find out my triggers.

Hot Flashes have triggers? Holy Carp! So not only do I watch my triggers for depression, now I have to not only figure out what my Flash triggers are, but watch for them! ACK!

So I have come to the conclusion that my body is fucked. I have stacks of supplements to take every day now. Some of them twice a day in hopes that my body will put out at least a little bit of the much needed estrogen to take these nasty flashes down a notch.

Quite honestly, the being hot part isn't really all that bothersome. No I lied, it is bothersome, but not in the way you might think. its bothersome because flashing really means I am so close to the end it's not even funny. It also means - NO BABY - and Frack, the once an hour thing really picks my butt!!

In the summer when it started like this, it was still quite hot out so I was already wearing a tank top. Hot was hot then. In this weather, hot is as hot does and then, after I've stripped of the sweater or tossed off the blankets ............... brrrrrrr! My actual thermostat kicks in and I am hunting for slipper socks!

as I sit here it feels like I washed my hair and the scalp is just not quite dry yet. ICK!

so I will continue on my search for estrogen in my diet. Eliminate wine altogether, even though I have read a glass is good to keep me sane, for the next few weeks. Because it also says it leaches the necessary vit D and calcium from me to which helps with keeping the other balance.

So on i go to vitamin E, calcium + D3 & magnesium, lecithin, and flax. Of course my staple of B12's close at hand. I am upping my intake of potato's as that seems to be a thing too. I read about Black Cohash, then I read about some of the side affects - I am not into that. Nettle is apparently very good - now where to find some ..........

Wish me luck on my estrogen quest!

Blog On Dudes!

correction - its not wine, its beer that is supposed to be good. The hops in it is supposed to be fabulous for meno-pausal and perimenopausal ladies

It Must be said -

I refuse to let go of the dream that I will never have another baby. It will happen. It just will.

Hot Flashes or not.

Allergic sperm or not.

I believe there will be a miracle

Do They Ever STop

Oh my Gosh!

Flash after Flash - do they ever stop?

This is crazy ridiculous! My face is breaking out I am tired exhausted all the time. Now the bloating. I've had the occasional cramp ..... but the Hot Flashes. Sevral in a day and they lst for minutes at a time.

No babies here I guess. Still no period since July.

Sucks to be in this position.

I've been reading my meno-pause book and catching some stuff on line. This is so depressing from the bloodline stand point.

Charlotte starts her period and just like that; I am done

Flashes

Yup - they are. Hot flashing for weeks.

now Really being hot isn't so bad. I mean, I don't mind. I like being hot. But the part where this is the end. The end of the dream. That part sucks. No more hoping for babies.

Well I guess I can always hope for a baby, but realistically, it isn't going to happen. Lyle still hoping and talking about getting to Genisis ............. but still has not taken the steps to do anythign about it.

I am tired, so tired all the time. Is it menopause or is it a disease? Why am i sooooo tired all the time. That sucks. Exhausted most of the time and feeling like poo. That in turn causes my memory to turn to mush.

I don't think menopause is what causes the memory loss. I think its the tiredness.

Well I think I will go back to bed before work.

nite nite

Hot

Been along time - got so busy with wedding stuff.

it's been off again and on and then OFF.

My last periods were before my wedding. April 29th - May 30th - june 19th - July 12th ......... then spotting 3 days before my wedding ............. Nothing since.

Are these hot flashes and night sweats I am having or is it the 31 degree heat.

Zits on my face, cramps every now and then ........... forty somehitng around the corner.........

he has accepted that he needs to go to Genesis, yet - has done nothing to get himself there.

The Queen, on the other hand, started her cycle Aug. 20th - WooHoo??

PERIOD!

Sterile

basically, what it comes down to, is that he is sterile

epididymitis - very ungood.

Doesn't look like there is a treatment either

pressure?

Well - here I am, still not had a period since .......... December?

Checked 2 weeks ago nope not prego. Boobs have been sore for a month now. *sigh*

However, February just passed. That's when we get pregnant in my family. Lyle has not been "potting" for weeks. So it could happen. It really could, and quite honestly, wouldn't that be about right? Bsby due in November? Of course i'd get knocked up now. A few months beofre I walk down the aisle. Would I fit my dress? I'd force my way into it!!! but i have settled with ICBC so that would only seem fitting to get pregnant. Our house is soooooo small- we'd have to move like -- yesterday!

Well I guess we'll have to see.

My face zitted up like crazy last night. i would expect my period to be right around the corner ............

then I got a letter from Lyle's mom last night. She is excited for the wedding and mailed to let me know she got a dress. hen she slipped in ........... that if I walk down the aisle pregnant it would be okay with her. she "needs" that granchild you know. Of course "she has Charlie" but and extra one wouldn't hurt. Great! No Pressure here Mama B!!!!

Lyle and I got into it after I told him. He put it once again on me to do soemthing. "well I better look into finding a good fertility doctor then"

Excuse me Asshole?!! "Genesis" i responded back. "genesis is where we need to go. but I am not about to go forward with anything when you don't make an effort. Its clearly not as important to you as it is to me. So I am not going to do somehting stupid and put us in a situation when you are not that in to it"

He got mad. Boy did he get mad. But seriously, what has he done. Not even the simplest thing to appease me like go get the sperm count that he's only been prescibed TWICE since may 2009!!!! Its not all on me! you have to make an effort too!

So here I am - thinking about peeing on a stick once again. Just to be sure ......... after all, its suddenly on my mother in laws mind

Blog On

Well - I just plucked my first whisker

hmmmmm

so its now Feb 21st

as I contemplate getting my moustache threaded I wonder where this normal diagnosis is. NO period since December.

Driving to work the other day, I wasn't wearing my gloves. The sun peaked up over my dash on to my hand that was at the top of the steering wheel. Who's old lady hand is That? MINE!

the skin all wrinkled and with the way the sun was hitting it, i had instantly aged by 15 years! My hands have never been beautiful, but now more than ever they show their age and how I've always worked with them. Years of Serving showing through.

What about the soft fuzz I am growing down the sides of my face? am i the only one that notices? is it one of those physical things only i see? The lines in my face getting more noticeable as gravity takes hold and pulls my face down. The eyelid skin not snapping back as it once did. Putting on eye make-up becoming a challenge as i work at getting the skin to stay in one place

ahhhhhhhh 40+ and Normal? I dunno

Under my Umbrella-brella-brella-eh,eh, eh eh........

So here I sit under my umbrella of normal wondering if everything is so "normal" where is my period?

my body seemed like it was trying a couple weeks ago ....... nothing

on the plus side - I've had a libido, no hot flashes in the absence of period, no nauseous ........ so Woooo! I guess...... so I'm just really irregular? I dunno - i think i want a second opinion.

how is it, that I have been going through wacked out cycle's for YEARS now, at least 10, and i am just irregular? I used to be able to predict the time on the day of my period that I would be getting it. Crazy Regular! My body was like a Rolex.

It is also very possible that when the tests were done my body was in fact doing normal regualr stuff. Afterall, i did get my period the following week. Even though I'd been blood free for nearly 4 months at that time, the tests picked up on the 1 period i was having.

o now I am just uber irregular with a side-order of Peri-menopause?

it all means I can still have a baby, if man gets his penis in order and gets his tests done ........ then we can know what The Hell!

NORMAL!!!

Normal!
Heard from my Doctor tonight!
he says the tests are normal. My follicles are follicling. My thyroid is fine. I am NOT in menopause! my follicles are stimulating! YaY!!!!!
I am just ridiculously irregular.
Hot flashes? Why? dunno. Don't care right this moment.
i can have a baby! and That's all I am thinking about at the moment.

WoooooooHoooooooo!

Too Have a Baby

i was told a month ago by my doctor, it was going to be 15 thousand ...... to start to, for us to have a baby.

I got a period!

tests are in. we talked about eggs. how many i have. How many I am born with.

hot flashes

i had a few during that 3 mnth stretch of bareness. Chances of me conceiving, let alone caring a baby ..........

now i am a month out of my last period + some days.

I burst in to tears i Zellers tonight. Everything is on sale there right now you know. So I went. I thought of my nephews, I thought of Nater ( my special nephew) I thought of my niece ....and then I htought of the video my dad proudly showed me yesterday of a 2 year old Charlotte.

the tears came out of nowhere.

i won't have another baby. I wont' carry it.

if I have ANY eggs left .... we will have to do a surrogate.

I - we can't afford that.

my heart, my mind my body ..... i have so much emotional pain its crazy.

So that's it then.

Forty-one and done

The thought of asking my sister to carry for us crossed my mind. Over and over and over again. She is after all. Not going back to work. but to hire somoene ..... we just can't do it. I had hoped the settlement I was getting would cover this............... NO

are there even any eggs in there ....

emotional pain i so awful. It consumes you and explodes when you least expect it.

I thought i would work it off. You know, physically. But - - - I am broken and can't do that.

in the end ...... i am only 41.

my body is 51 -- -- -- the edge so close

blog on