Is It?

We bit O'cramping yesterday.  This morning I wake, is that a period trying its best?
I'd call it just over a spotting.  But just over.  I'll know more as the day prgresses.
I hope its a period.  A real, bloody messy, bright red period.  I know, who wishes that right?  WEll I am.  For a couple of reasons.
First is so that I can shoot myself with these incredibly expensive drugs and see if I can produce an egg.  Second, so that my body can release.  Holy Heck.  Not having a period during this menopausal haze makes you thick.  I am excercising when I can (lots of back & hip pain) really, really watching what and how much I eat.  I have cut my favorite meal, potato's, all but out.  Small portions of everything.  No I am not starving myself as I know what the body does when you do that, and i just keep getting thicker and thicker. My belly!  Jeepers.  Just seems to be.  Thank goodness for firm support everything!  My waist ............ makes me sad.  There was always 11/12inches difference between my waist and hips.  and My waist was loooong.  Now I find a wee bit of waist just in my upper rib cage and there aint no 11inches gap no more!  Thank Goodness for bra's that add 2 cup sizes.  Creative dressing is the key.  I am all but off the wine, even in this wonderous Christmas season.  yup - I be boozeless.  I thought fersure all I had to do was stop drinking and the fat would just shed.  Nope.  That not be the case.
So on to my out loud dreaming ................
if this truly is a healthy period, not like the nasty sad one of October, I will start with 5 days of Menopur on Tuesday the 18th!  That would put me at a scan on Boxing Day.  I hope they will be open.  If all is great and I have produced a healthy egg, I will get the turkey baster sometime the following week.  Then we hope for the best.  If all goes well and I get fertilized ............ carry without miscarry ................ i will be due in September!  Oh My Gosh how exciting that would be.
Okay, Positive thoughts, Positive thoughts.
I don't want to go into all the negative that would and will surround these choices and chances Lyle and I are taking.  The effects on our little family.  The effects on our finances.  The effects on our housing ........
Positive.  Positive.  Positive.
A baby girl - could I name her Alice.  I like Alice.  Simple.  Old unused name.  Or to match Charlotte ....... Georgia/Georgina ............. Theodora .............. Thomasina ............ Frances/Francine ............ they all turn in to boys names.  I like that.  Aaaaaah to dream ................
okay, back to the real world.  Lets get those sheets in the dryer and finish that Christmas baking!