Dear Ms Pause

Dear Ms. Pause,

     The first time I recall meeting your sister Peri,  was in the fall of 1997.  I had just turned 28 years old.  I didn't know who she was.  Maybe we'd met before, but it wasn't significant enough for me to remember.   The visit was unannounced and short lived.  I think I must have made her mad when I got pregnant shortly after our first meeting.  She came around again soon after Charlotte was born.  I was so busy I didn't know what to make of her.  She was sneaky, only coming at night when I was asleep. I didn't recognize her as the same.  I thought it was Mr thyroid knocking, but it never was.  She turned into my first suspect,  so she switched it up.

Next she played with my delicate hormones.   Making my mind think things that would make me blush.  My body doing things I didn't think possible.  Then in 2003 she really started to play.  She re-introduced herself to me the same way she had years earlier, intent on making herself known.  I couldn't deny who she was this time.  

I visited my Dr and asked for more testing, she hid every time.  He telling me I am too young to have her making a home in my body for you Ms Pause.   I went to my mother and asked her if she recognized Peri.  She dismissed me, telling me its not Peri and that I am suffering from stress.

Stress sounded good to me.  I did and was experiencing it a lot , so I did my best to convince myself that's all it was.  That worked for a few years.  I teetered and tottered always knowing it was Peri.  As time went on I became convinced it was Peri.  I tried to talk to her, tell her I am only in my mid-thirties, please leave me be.  I begged her as I began to realize the chance to have another child was rapidly running out.  That's when I learned, Peri can not hear.

As time went on I felt you visit Ms Pause.  I knew you were coming to see if your room was ready to take up residence.  You were just visiting your sister.  I fought you, I ignored you.  Taking all kinds of vitamins, reading books on what can I do, hormones, shots.  Unfortunately, keeping calm and stress free was one of the main weapons against you.  That is something my life does not seem to ever be without.  You decided the room is nearly ready as you and your sister began entertaining. 
You were so much stronger than I anticipated.

I know you are still moving a few things in.  Peri is here too and the two of you are getting along nicely.  

I'm sure it won't be long now till you live here completely.  I will still remind you to keep the party's quiet and have Madame Primrose on guard.   We do have to try to live here together.  I will do my best to learn from you and embrace your presence now.  I hope I have not done too much damage to your home with the recent battle I raged.  I ask that you respect me and I will respect you.  Please let me have parts of my body back so that I can feel sexy and beautiful again.

You are here Ms Pause this I know, but so am I.  

I am Kristi and I am 43.

I will do my best to live with you with dignity.  I will hold my head high, knowing I've been through the worst of the battle already.  I will be an ear for my girlfriends as I watch them meet your sister as they will in these next few years.  They will not recognize her either.  She is a chameleon.  But I know her tricks well now and see her for who she truly is.  Mind games and all.  I thank you both for making me wise.

Take care.

Respectfully,

Kristi