I haven't slept. My mind is racing. What can I do? How do i stop or slow this natural process of being a woman.
I WANT ANOTHER CHILD
I think about that brown bag he brought home nearly 2 months ago now. How he's done nothing to make a plan to get in to the lab and get things looked after
After my non-waking up on the couch we meet in the kitchen. he asks why I slept out there. I explain to him, because I was hot. A hot flash. I'm obviously upset. So I thought. Or perhaps me being upset doesn't matter. I tell him. yes I was just like that, I TELL him he needs to get it sorted and get in to the lab with his brown bag. He immediately raises his voice. and it starts. 6:30 in the morning. He's tellling me he doesn't care. That why haven't I done anything? that we aren't having a baby cuz I'm in menopause. That why bother trying .......... the tears well up in my eyes. But I care. and I've done all i can at this point (mental note to self - find more to do about this) I can hear my voice screaming out inside my head NOOOOOOO!
I want anther child! What happened to we'll keep trying. What happened to we'll take what we can get. What happened to do all we can before it gets to the petrie dish .............
now I am nagging he says. He has No time, he's too busy doing things for me. WHAT! then why is it I winterized the yard. Why is it the front patch of grass isn't cut. Why is it that i am cooking, cleaning, and taking care of the house. What the Hell! you paint a shed and stain a playhouse this summer and you are ALWAYS doing something for me!!! FUCK YOU! YOU DON'T EVEN MAKE THE BED IN THE MORNING!
He hurls an excuse and i call him on it. Every one! I'm not doing this. I am not going to roll over and let it go this time. Don't you Dare put your lack of organization on me!
"i haven't even had time to go get birthday presents for you guys"
oh Boo Hoo! That's weird, cuz its not like its a surprise. Our birthdays are the same day Every Year! and Last time I checked, there are 365 days in a year! Pretty sure you could have managed something over that amount of time.
So there it is. That's how he feels. he doesn't care. He doesn't care. how the Hell am I supposed to have a baby let alone Marry someone that doesn't care? and that's another thing. If it weren't for me going out and picking out my ring to get the ball rolling .......... we wouldn't be engaged! Fuck - we barely even got engaged as it was! Him having the ring in his possession, all paid off for 7 months
Well, its important to me to have another child. I had always seen myself having lots of babies ......... even though the little voice in my head told me to enjoy the my pregnancy with Charlotte while I had it. As that was going to be my only one. ........... I am crying just thinking about it. The voice couldn't have been right
I'm 41 and on the last legs of a fertility with a man that doesn't care
guess I have some things to think about
1 comment:
It is so hard... these men and their ignorance. I fight it too but what can we do with it all???
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