Menopause sure gets rid of the sex drive.
I've been on a slow decline for the last couple years. I realized a few weeks ago ...... i really don't have any interest anymore. I mean sometimes, but its nothing I can't take care of myself. And the thing is, I don't feel like I'm missing it.
what I do miss is the feeling of wanting it. I used to have sex nearly every night!
not with this partner, my now husband, but in the past. I would crave it, wait for it, use it. Now ...................... meh
Yes, I have a few different theories about this odd transformation of my sex life not all of them end in menopause.
but still .......................... Meh .....................
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Shriveled Egg
well, at least there was an egg.
but it was no good. Far too small for anything.
So we start again -
I am now taking Evening Primrose, vitamin E and a combo of B6/B12 added to Folic Acid to try to combat the hot flashes and the obvious lack of estrogen I appear to be suffering from. Hopefully that helps for the next round.
I filled out all the paperwork for the claim for the repronex - so I am hoping to be reimbursed. So all we are losing is the cash for the ultrasounds - so it is okay.
The Ovary doc is meeting with his Genesis buddies and putting his head together with them to see what more can be done to stimulate my one good ovary.
I had set my personal limit to 2 cycles - but I have been researching deeper - I might just go 3.
So now we wait again. I flash my way through my days ........not too bad the past couple since I changed over my supplements.
but it was no good. Far too small for anything.
So we start again -
I am now taking Evening Primrose, vitamin E and a combo of B6/B12 added to Folic Acid to try to combat the hot flashes and the obvious lack of estrogen I appear to be suffering from. Hopefully that helps for the next round.
I filled out all the paperwork for the claim for the repronex - so I am hoping to be reimbursed. So all we are losing is the cash for the ultrasounds - so it is okay.
The Ovary doc is meeting with his Genesis buddies and putting his head together with them to see what more can be done to stimulate my one good ovary.
I had set my personal limit to 2 cycles - but I have been researching deeper - I might just go 3.
So now we wait again. I flash my way through my days ........not too bad the past couple since I changed over my supplements.
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Eggs
Okay - tomorrow is the day I find our if shooting myself with needles has done anything. Did I produce any eggs?
1 I just need 1
it's kind of a weird feeling. I want to produce eggs because I'd like the shots to have worked so we can get the invitro, but I also want the satisfaction of feeling like a woman. If I haven't produced eggs I really think I will feel failed. I mean that's it then isn't it?
We would try 1 more cycle - that is what we have talked about and agreed on.
however, if I don't bust out any eggs, not even one - pretty sure I will feel like and old woman.
Nearly 43 and being put out to pasture. If we were on an island, I'd be one of the ones they killed off first! EArly meno-pause sucks ass.
Please one working ovary, Please, Please pop out a viable egg!
1 I just need 1
it's kind of a weird feeling. I want to produce eggs because I'd like the shots to have worked so we can get the invitro, but I also want the satisfaction of feeling like a woman. If I haven't produced eggs I really think I will feel failed. I mean that's it then isn't it?
We would try 1 more cycle - that is what we have talked about and agreed on.
however, if I don't bust out any eggs, not even one - pretty sure I will feel like and old woman.
Nearly 43 and being put out to pasture. If we were on an island, I'd be one of the ones they killed off first! EArly meno-pause sucks ass.
Please one working ovary, Please, Please pop out a viable egg!
Saturday, August 11, 2012
day 4
Yup - day 4. I woke, my 3rd shot was last night, with a low grade migraine - its dull, but its there. I know its from the hormones. Little circles of bruising from where I've injected myself sit along my belt line. So far no other symptoms to speak of. I keep wondering, will it work? What if I don't even produce 1 egg! What if 4 happen?
I hope our home sells sooner than later. A mild hot flash ..............
time to shoot.
I hope our home sells sooner than later. A mild hot flash ..............
time to shoot.
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
Menstruation/Hot Flashes/Repronex
Period on Monday.
Bring on the hot flashes Tuesday.
Today was my first shot.
1 down.
4 to go .................... next Thursday we move to level 2.
As I stared at myself in the mirror and thought about my life. The years ahead, Charlotte growing in to a young woman. The years that I missed because of various things. Some brought on by other people, some brought on by myself. I had to wonder why would I do this to her. Having a baby is gonna mess her up at this stage of the game. But I could hear the voice, if I don't I will regret that I didn't try. So I'm 57 when it is the age Charlotte is now.
I need to sign her up for voice lessons this week.
Bring on the hot flashes Tuesday.
Today was my first shot.
1 down.
4 to go .................... next Thursday we move to level 2.
As I stared at myself in the mirror and thought about my life. The years ahead, Charlotte growing in to a young woman. The years that I missed because of various things. Some brought on by other people, some brought on by myself. I had to wonder why would I do this to her. Having a baby is gonna mess her up at this stage of the game. But I could hear the voice, if I don't I will regret that I didn't try. So I'm 57 when it is the age Charlotte is now.
I need to sign her up for voice lessons this week.
Thursday, July 19, 2012
Hot Flashes
Well I really thought I was going to be getting a period.
The tell tale lite colored spotting happened ..... usually after that, I get a period. So I rushed out and picked up the 5 days worth of needles and shots. To much to my dismay, no period. There we were up at Loon Lake and i started hot flashing 2 days ago.
Great.
This is just not going to happen for us. I am very sad. Off I go to the shed.
The tell tale lite colored spotting happened ..... usually after that, I get a period. So I rushed out and picked up the 5 days worth of needles and shots. To much to my dismay, no period. There we were up at Loon Lake and i started hot flashing 2 days ago.
Great.
This is just not going to happen for us. I am very sad. Off I go to the shed.
Sunday, July 8, 2012
FSH 13.7
Well - some good news came upon us from our last visit to the Ovary doctor. He was pleasantly surprised by my test results from the day 3 FSH blood work.
My score was 13.7 which is totally normal for a 42 year old. Not like the 31 FSH that came out of my other blood test. Yikes
So from that we have determined, I have one ovary that is old. I mean shut the fuck up old. the other one ..... well it is holding in there at 42. It still wants to do its job and it hopes to keep up for awhile yet.
So forward we go! yes Lyle and I are going for it.
Yup - it is not the smartest thing ever, but it is what it is and we are doing it.
I am now waiting for a period. Yippee - and then on day 3, i start the injections.
yes, thats right, injections. Me. I nearly passed out when the nurse mentioned it. Yup - injections. right in my belly fat. Good thing I have lots of that -
then we hope that I produce eggs that are viable. then if all is healthy, i get the turkey baster injection.
Yes it is money to do it. Tons of appointments coming up. and if, that is still a big if, we end up pregnant ..........OMGosh . we are so not prepared. but guess what? We are doing it and being totally stupid about it. We are not telling our families that we are doing it. If it happens we are gonna be like - Ooops! As neither of us feel there will be much if any support from my family especially.
It was just nice to have good news for once.
My score was 13.7 which is totally normal for a 42 year old. Not like the 31 FSH that came out of my other blood test. Yikes
So from that we have determined, I have one ovary that is old. I mean shut the fuck up old. the other one ..... well it is holding in there at 42. It still wants to do its job and it hopes to keep up for awhile yet.
So forward we go! yes Lyle and I are going for it.
Yup - it is not the smartest thing ever, but it is what it is and we are doing it.
I am now waiting for a period. Yippee - and then on day 3, i start the injections.
yes, thats right, injections. Me. I nearly passed out when the nurse mentioned it. Yup - injections. right in my belly fat. Good thing I have lots of that -
then we hope that I produce eggs that are viable. then if all is healthy, i get the turkey baster injection.
Yes it is money to do it. Tons of appointments coming up. and if, that is still a big if, we end up pregnant ..........OMGosh . we are so not prepared. but guess what? We are doing it and being totally stupid about it. We are not telling our families that we are doing it. If it happens we are gonna be like - Ooops! As neither of us feel there will be much if any support from my family especially.
It was just nice to have good news for once.
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